I am turning 25 this coming July... I was so inspired to write something after a realization that i had with my friend lea. a few drinks really gets into you.
It was around 2014 that I felt miserable with my 8 hour shift job... being at my desk 5 days a week for 5 months. after graduating from college I spent nothing but living the way I want to live it. the youth in me surrounded with getting drunk night per night. traveling across asia with someone I planned a future spending with until life turned around, then that plan with someone else didnt happen.
I told myself... "I want to see the world." never occured to my mind that I am young or was young. all I know is i want something exciting. in between the strugle, my ex boyfriend at the time, broke up with me in the middle of my life turning it around... when he knew I was moving out of the country, he flew back to manila, then decided he wanted to keep me. within five months of my employment career in the office, there was an open day to becoming a flight attendant. I risked while having a conversation with myself "why not?". went to the open day with tons of beautiful and overtly qualified hopeful people for the job. luckily I was hired. I moved out to where I was. I was in a bad place at the time... I was feeling depressed. but at the same time, i was in a place where i was willing to do anything to be the successful person i want to be. I was saving up to move to somewhere else and find my luck and ready to face the rock bottom in my head, endure a little, sacrifice a little for the future I want to achieve.
although that didn't really happen, the world still handed over a great opportunity that i was meant to be in. it was a fruitful feeling the ego in me saying "im still a lucky person.". I arrived in the middel east january 14 2015 then 3 days later i started training... my parents were proud of me, because i was becoming independent... they no longer have to pay for my lifestyle and pay for my place electricity and everything. in the middle of my training in aviation my ex boyfriend somewhere feb 18 2015 decided to just vanish. not say a word or drop any form of message in the world wide web. but at that moment i was done. I was numb. three years of always planning a future with him and taking care of everything and him being not on the same page. since then... I was just like a rock to all potential mates i was meeting. then i started flying. the job gave me a lot of distraction. meeting a lot of new people and exploring different places. i was supplied with a lot of distraction.
it made me grow as a person. it fulfilled the gaps of something i was craving for. in everyone's life for sure; we all know that life is not always made perfect. at 22 i was travelling the world. created a new life a new me, a brand new being that i was before... at 24 it felt like i've seen everything... for some reason... i felt really lost. for the entire year of being 24. along the way... i've gained new friends and at the same time I lost a few good one. I wasnt being negative about life but i'm just facing the reality of life. that it is the way it is. jumping to one book to another, drunk conversation with random people. copulated with the people i'm attracted with and some whom I wasnt a little attracted out of boredness. i wasted a little time getting wasted. be influenced with the wrong people giving me wrong advice about life, and actually listened to them. hanged out with some people who doesnt even nurture you but instead embrace the that they are miserable. it really is true that you become the friends you hang out with.
you see... a lot of people saw my life as green as it could be. as easy like it was handed over to me. some thinks that i didn't really need to work hard enough because some find my physical appearance as privilege pass to have this kind of job. but in reality i was no different with other people. i struggled too. to wherever i am right now... i know i worked hard for it. that i went in line 6 am at makati shang-rila hotel fighting over the spot for other hopefuls inside that hotel to impress the recruiters. and as i've worked my way. i report to work, delivering what i was asked to because they hired me for that reason. maybe it is silly to feel this way because I didn't worry how to eat three times a day or more. that my worries we're all about what to do with my life while dressed up with designer luxury pieces that everyone is not privilege about. but at the same I cant compare my life to others why is my life like this. because my story is different. the life path i took is different. decisions i was aware and unaware of were different... and but that is maybe because i was destined to take those and end up with those.
as i turn 25... i'm about to let life unfold itself. i see more myself than i use to see just what's around me. right now... I'm currently single, doing the same thing i was doing for the past 2 years like it was already something routine to me. worried with the elite daily blogs of "what you should be before you turn 30"... but you know what. this is my reality... I'm single.... I dont even know where he is, in an ironical circumstance nature of my job, i don't have any property that im paying that i get worried about sometimes(but i don't want to relly to some property inheritance i'm bound to have in the future, but because i want to do and prove it to myself that i can acquire on my own in the future). that maybe there is a purpose of me being all by myself at this age. that i'm starting to take parts to the things i want to do even if im not sure how it's gonna end up with. but at the end of the day. all i know is just do it. i don't know when... nor i dont know how... but i just do.
then hope that i'll get there.
my advice to all those who share the same dilemna as i do... just do it. kill the what If and just do it. that maybe when we look back to this journal or i would look back to what i just wrote in the post.
and just laugh about it.
which i always do. is just laugh about it. as long as you dont forget how to appreciate and love... we still are the hopes the future.
this is paulo gonzales turning 25.
